Indexes of citizens' average weight show a considerable rise in countries which have begun allowing regular travel to Finland. This is revealed in a survey conducted by Stasi, the intelligence agency of the DDR. Stasi's exhaustive data indicates a dramatic increase in average weight last spring, when many countries eased travel restrictions to Finland. Since that time weight indexes have shown a record high.
Suspicions are targeted on a restaurant operating in the centre of Helsinki, located at Mannerheimintie 3-5. According to Stasi's Finnish operative XV 11/69, the Zetor restaurant serves food until 30 minutes before closing, thus affording patrons the opportunity to eat for almost twice the normal number of daily eating hours.
XV 11/69 claims that the immediate impact of Zetor's kitchen hours can be seen at the headquarters of the Finland-DDR Fellowship Society, where benches have recently had to be widened.
The secret agent also reports that DDR leaders wish to thank Zetor; it seems that the number of successful escapes has lessened as repeat offenders are no longer able to scale the Wall due to their massive weight gains. Stasi has requested Zetor to continue its night-time operations.
One lucky comrade makes a successful break